I’ve kept a journal my whole life. Scratch that – up until the age of 13 I kept a diary with a padlock and key and now, as a grown ass woman, I keep a journal. Occasionally I pluck one out of a dusty plastic bin and thumb through it. A journal is like a photograph – it provides a snapshot of your life from a very specific point in time. Last night I found something I wrote about scoring a job at Red Lobster (a staple restaurant in suburbia along with the Olive Garden and Denny’s). At the time I was planning to move from Philadelphia to Manhattan. I had no financial or emotional support and I was a confused mess! However, when I look back – I have to give myself props. I was doing the best I could with what I had and I think I did alright. As the late Steve Jobs once said – “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.”
(and connect they did – I’ve been throwin it down up in NYC for 10+ years)
I got the job at Red Lobster which is the good thing, the only other “thing” is that I’ll have a whole other week before I start next Thursday at 11am. Thats a whole other week without work. I’m afraid I have to admit that. I’m going to look at another NY apt next Friday. If all goes well I will have enough money for it but then I will have to find another job etc etc etc…crazy. I just feel disjointed. No income makes me feel insecure. I don’t want to get my hopes up about anything in New York but if that apartment works out…then I will have to drop the bomb at Red Lobster after just getting hired, won’t that look suspicious, but how was I supposed to know that things would work out? Or maybe they won’t. I’m almost afraid to put too much mental energy into the whole thing considering that I do not have a plan B. I feel mental.